The holidays are the time for family, with all the characters who make it what it is. In this final month of the year, Oasis offers this handy holiday buying guide to help you prepare to entertain your guests. Needless to say, these are caricatures of fictional people and are intended to make you smile during this most wonderful time of the year.
1. The Trendy Grandparents
It’s great to see how grandparents can be enthusiastic about new technology, even if they don’t quite grasp all the fine points. They never really understood how to operate the VCR, but are ready to jump in to what they call “the internets.”
It’s a bit like going from a horse-drawn carriage to an electric car. So we can’t be too annoyed (mostly) if they write on our Facebook wall (all in caps) instead of sending a PM to ask how we’re doing. They also sometimes send email with a postal address in the subject line. But that’s part of their ongoing learning process. For reasons that science has yet to explain, grandparents are avid forwarders of chain emails and PowerPoint presentations of sunsets and kittens
Last year, you decided to help them enter the digital age by buying them a tablet. To prevent situations like the Y2K panic or finding the tablet with the cutting boards in the dishwasher, you registered them for “Tablet 101” on Wednesday afternoons. That way they could get support for doing the crossword when it’s not on paper.
Still, you were pretty impressed when Grandpa, between two bites of turkey, asked you to explain “the cloud,” which he’d heard about in his class. Let’s all admit right now that the cloud isn’t really clear to anyone. Grandma looked even more confused when Junior asked her: “Hey, Grandma, why are there hashtags on your pie?”
On New Year’s Day, when they are “Facetiming” with the nephews who live far away, Grandpa and Grandma couldn’t figure out how to flip the camera so they’d be in the frame. But that’s OK. New things keep the mind active and help them stay young. After all, we love our hip grandparents and we’re happy to know they’re online. In a few years, our grandchildren will be the ones trying to explain to us how teleportation works.
- Because grandparents often do the cooking but eat little due to “digestive issues,” we suggest Oasis NutriSolution Strawberry Banana. Even if they don’t eat anything all night, they won’t be lacking anything thanks to this juice-based meal substitute.
The chill nephew is always just back from a camping trip in some country with a name that’s impossible to pronounce. During his adventures, he’s climbed mountains, climbed onto a camel, climbed a mountain on camel-back, etc. You know the type. Thanks to his adventures, his parents now have high blood pressure. This guy sees Christmas as just another day. Nothing special. While the whole household is busy with the finishing touches before the family arrives, he decides to have a “little” nap. He only wakes up two hours later when his younger cousins jump on his bed.
He’s never mastered the appropriate dress code, so while the family is dressed to the nines, he’ll be shuffling about in stocking feet. When his dishevelled self strolls into the living-room, his aunts will greet him with loving smiles and bombard him with questions: How are you? Do you have a girlfriend? What do you want to do with your life? His answer will be no less than “I want to see the world! I want to change the world!” This nephew is also the favourite of the younger kids who find him soooo cool. In fact, during the meal, you’ll find him sitting at the kids’ table, where he’ll be charming them with incredible stories of faraway lands.
- If you have a hipster nephew in your family, we suggest Oasis Organic Mango-Orange Juice. He will no doubt have a juicy story to tell about the time he visited a mango plantation in India.
When your homesteader cousin announces she’ll be bringing a homemade dish to the party, that’s literally what you’ll get. She’ll concoct a salad using vegetables from her own garden, served in a salad bowl she carved from a log. The inter-generational conversations that ensue are almost as delicious as her kale salad: “No, Grandma, ‘Kale’ isn’t the name of my new friend. It’s a vegetable from the cabbage family with curly leaves… Yes, Grandma, I know my hair is straight, not curly.”
One thing is for sure, when it’s time for the gift exchange, everyone is crossing their fingers that their name wasn’t picked by Miss Earthy-Crunchy. Everyone loves her, but no one wants to spend the rest of the evening wearing the itchy clothing she weaves from organic fair-trade hemp.
- If you have a granola cousin, we suggest the Oasis GREENERGY Smoothie. She’s sure to love the colour and the ingredients.
What do you get when you cross a car battery and a blender? Junior. He runs, he jumps, he twirls, he talks loudly, and he never, ever gets tired. His button is stuck at “on.” It seems that the more you tell him to calm down, the higher he revs up. He’s an inexhaustible source of renewable energy. And why, oh why, now he’s reached that age where he asks “why” endlessly.
The holidays are HIS time. Everything is allowed. You better keep an eye on him or you’ll find him peeling away the wrapping paper on the gifts to “guess” what’s inside. And what do Junior’s parents do to calm him down? They give him candy. He only falls asleep at the very end of the evening, right when it’s time to go home. King Junior will be tenderly carried to his royal carriage by his subjects, who will be very, very fearful (make that, careful) not to wake him.
- Offer Speedy Gonzalez a glass of Oasis Hydrafruit Lemon Iced Tea. It’s low in sugar and caffeine free so it’s a good way to get him to sit still while he enjoys a drink!
During the holidays, a family member often invites the “chameleon” friend, aka the resident expert in interpersonal relationships whose Facebook friend count is generally higher than most people’s bank balance. Nearly always overdressed for the occasion, she slips into every type of event. She’s known for her friendliness and her social schedule that’s as busy as the prime minister’s. Always on the lookout for that special someone, she tends to bury her loneliness through her burgeoning career.
She’s active in her community and sits on boards of administration, finds the time to get to the gym, and never fails to feed her cats or water her plants. Whenever she feels lonely, this hardcore bachelorette puts a call out on social media and always finds people to hang out with. Why is she at your holiday party? Because your kind granola cousin (the chameleon’s former work colleague or Facebook friend) answered her shout-out.
- Be sure to offer your chameleon friend Oasis Nutrisource Wild Berry Pomegranate Antioxia. Like her, this juice is extremely versatile. It’s the Swiss Army Knife of beverages: low in calories, it’s a good source of antioxidants and is fantastic for your holiday cocktails!
Your healthy and active brother’s motto is “Healthy mind, healthy body.” He eats six meals a day and is the expert on the many ways to combine chicken, rice and broccoli. He empties the fridge as fast as Usain Bolt runs the 100 m. He’s all sports all the time and a die-hard fan. There are no excuses not to train. No pain, no gain, as he says. He’s always happy to demonstrate his strength using whatever’s at hand as his weights: the cat, the couch, Grandma…
He’s ahead of his time, this brother. He was doing CrossFit even before luge was an Olympic sport. He literally does every sport possible: climbing, cycling, running, boxing, hockey, and that’s just to start. In fact, he even does stroller cardio even though he doesn’t have any children. At every family get-together, he astounds everyone by talking about new sports no one’s ever heard of. He thinks fusion isn’t just for cuisine, but for sports too. He predicts that Thai-Zumba-CrossFit-Boxing will be all the rage within a few years. He wears sneakers all the time, but during the holidays, he sports shiny new white ones. You can depend on the sporty brother to help move the furniture as needed during the party. He’s also a perfect distraction for the kids because he’s always willing to lead the annual race up and down the stairs.
- Between meals, your sporty brother will surely feel a little peckish. We suggest Oasis Active Moka Banana. It has protein and fibre and will make him feel like he’s eating a banana. And bananas are great after running a marathon.
7. The mother hen
There are two types of holiday mothers: Mrs. Claus and Mrs. Mother Hen. The first one helps Santa and the elves. The second one takes care of her kids—sometimes a little too much.
No matter where she goes, the mother hen is ready for any emergency. She carries medication, bandages and an EpiPen (even if her kids aren’t actually allergic to anything). “Better safe than sorry,” she says. She’s also an inexhaustible supply of hand sanitizer, and always has a bottle on hand. She has read every book on parenting in existence and puts into practice all the tricks she’s picked up, regardless of the author. According to her, there are six food groups, the sixth one being multivitamins.
Her children never get injured. No wonder. When they go sledding, they are virtually stuffed into thickly padded snowsuits and all have a helmet, kneepads and elbow pads (you can never be too careful). No three-ski sleds for those kids: they’re much too dangerous!
The mother hen will consult a child psychologist to figure out how to react when her kids find out Santa doesn’t exist. She anticipates everything. On December 24, her minivan with the stick family on the rear windshield and a reindeer red nose on the front grill will slowly roll into the driveway. Her kids, fastened into their car seats despite being 10 years old, will be thrilled to arrive at Grandma’s so they can finally be released. The mother hen is the first to arrive (it’s dangerous to drive in the dark) and the first to leave (can’t let the kids go to bed too late).
No matter what she does, the mother hen is extraordinarily attentive to her kids. No one can hold a candle to her. Not even Mrs. Claus.
- The mother hen manages her children’s plates with the discipline of a school principal. But you’re sure to get a smile from her if you offer her kids a glass of Oasis Health Break Carbsmart Sunshine Blend. It offers a high source of fibre and vitamins—perfect for this time of year that’s so lacking in sunshine.